


If you could change it, would you?

by carolinenite



Category: The Newsroom (US TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen, One Shot, Time Travel, january fanfic challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2019-03-08 04:29:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13450563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carolinenite/pseuds/carolinenite
Summary: For LilacMermaid's January 2018 FanFic Challenge: Time Travel!Mackenzie's son sleeps in her arms; her husband slumbers peacefully beside her on the couch.  She longs for the lost years and wonders if they could have had it all so much earlier if only she could go back and do it differently.





	If you could change it, would you?

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't mean to write this at all, let alone before I got back to 'Something There', but the prompt came across, and I couldn't get the idea out of my head.

The first streaks of light were making their appearance in the sky, alerting Mackenzie to the impending dawn.  She looked down at the bundle in her lap, wide awake and happily waving his fists. 

“You know, civilized people like to sleep at this hour.”  Her voice was soft, and its tone was out of sync with the words she spoke.  She smiled and caught one of the small hands, pressing a light kiss to it.  “We’ll call it a work in progress, okay?”

Mac glanced over at Will, snoring lightly on the couch next to her.  He had been up through the night, doing his best to give Mackenzie more than two hours of uninterrupted sleep.  Six weeks into their parenthood adventure, Will’s nervousness had faded enough that he felt fully capable of feeding, diapering, and soothing the newest member of their family.  His touch was gentle, almost to the extreme, and it had taken Mackenzie almost three weeks before she had been able to convince Will that burping their son wouldn’t hurt him.  He was an excellent father, exactly as she knew he would be, exactly as Charlie had told him he would be.  _Oh, Charlie.  If only you were here to meet your grandson._   Within days of the funeral, Mac and Will had decided that ‘grandfather’ was the right word for what Charlie would have been, what he would be to their son.  _You’d love him, Charlie, and you’d be so proud of Will._

Not for the first time, Mackenzie let her thoughts stray to the things she would have done differently and to the things she wished she could change, especially the first night she answered the phone for Brian’s call.  Her life felt idyllic, and she longed for the years that had been wasted.  Mackenzie felt her head nod, jerked it back upright, and fought the sleep that seemed so near.  The room in front of her seemed to shimmer; Mackenzie blinked several times trying to clear her vision.  A figure appeared to stand in front of her.

“Rebecca?”

“Or some incredible facsimile thereof,” the shimmering woman responded.  “You’re wishing pretty loudly, Mackenzie Morgan McHale McAvoy.  Do you really want to go back and do it differently?  This seems like a pretty nice setup.  Would you really want to change it?”

“I—I’m not sure.”  Mackenzie looked between her husband and her son and then back at Rebecca.  _What if we could have had this years ago?_ Mackenzie felt the world around her recede, and she took a deep breath, shutting her eyes and attempting to steady herself. 

 

When she opened her eyes, her heart skipped a beat.  She was home, not in her and Will’s living room, but rather in the apartment she had kept when she worked at CNN.  _Oh fuck._ She looked around the room, trying to find her place in time.  Her gaze came to rest on the coffee table in front of her.  _Ethiopian food._   Mackenzie vividly remembered that last time that she had had Ethiopian food.  _Fuck me._ Before she could further orient herself to her new situation, the phone beside her rang.  She glanced at the caller ID before answering.

“Billy,” she breathed the name with relief.

“Yeah, it’s me.  Listen, hon,” he stopped, taking an extra beat to weigh his words, “I can’t make it for dinner.”  Mackenzie felt hurt and anger bubble up in the back of her mind.  The Mackenzie from this moment had a firm hold on her mind, but Mac, the older and wiser version of herself tamped down the reactionary voice trying to break out.  “I’ve got to meet with some of Scott’s people.  He just called.  And my brother is in town.  I didn’t know he was coming, but he’s here to see me, and I need to figure out what the hell he’s doing here.”  He sighed.  “I’m sorry, Mac.”

“There will be more Ethiopian food.  It’s okay.”  She smiled at the exhaled laugh coming through the phone.

“It’s okay?”

“You didn’t plan it.  Things happen.”

“Things have happened four nights in a row.”

“Do you want me to throw a fit?  I’m’ sure I could work myself up into a right tizzy if you wanted.”

“No, honey, but thanks.”  He laughed again.  “I love you, Mackenzie.”  Mac’s heart skipped a beat.  He meant it, wholeheartedly, and she hadn’t done anything to jeopardize it, yet.

“I love you, too, Billy.”  She knew it wasn’t the first time that she had said it, but the silence on the other end of the line told her that she wasn’t saying it as often as she should have been.  _Don’t be a fool, Mackenzie.  You love him.  Tell him often!_   Mac directed her inner monologue to the voice in her mind that was still ready to eviscerate him over a missed meal.  “You there?”

“Yeah, I’m here.”

“Do you want to send your brother this way while you meet with Scott?  I’ve got tons of food, and he shouldn’t be on his own while you’re working.”

“Have you _met_ my brother?”

“No.” _Not yet_ , _anyway._ “I haven’t, but he’s your brother, Will.  I can entertain him for a few hours.”

“Mac, that’s… that’s great.  I’ll send him over.  I think he’s down near Battery, so it may take him a little bit to get to midtown.”

“I’ll be here, Billy.  Just send him on.”  She waited a beat before continuing.  “Have a good meeting, and don’t let Scott talk you into anything you don’t love.”

“I won’t.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too, Mac.  I’ll swing by to get my brother once I’m done, alright?  At least I’ll get to kiss you goodnight.”

“Okay.”

They disconnected the call, and Mackenzie popped up off the couch to survey the apartment.  It was in pretty good shape, but a glance in the mirror told her that she needed to freshen up before her further brother-in-law arrived.  She had just pulled her hair back when her phone rang again.  This time, she knew with absolute certainty who was calling.

“Brian.”  Her tone was unmistakably cool.

“You don’t sound happy to hear from me, baby.”

“I’m not your baby, and I’m not happy to hear from you.”

“Why don’t you just come on over and crawl into bed?”

“You’re drunk, Brian.”

“Not that drunk, Kenzie.  I miss your mouth.”

“Got to hell, Brenner.  Don’t call me again.  I mean it.”  She aggressively stabbed at the screen with her finger to end the call.  Two minutes later, her phone rang again.  _Uh oh.  T_ his was new territory.  When this call had come the first time, Mackenzie had been royally pissed at Will for blowing her off for a fourth night in a row.  She had grabbed a jacket and flounced out the door without a second thought.  The caller ID was clear:  Brian Brenner.  “What do you want, Brian?”

“I want you, Mackenzie.  McAvoy isn’t good enough for you.  He’s not your quality.”

“I’m no longer required to live up to your standards.”

“Fair enough.”

“Thank you.”

“Come over, Kenzie.  You know it’ll be good.”

“It’s good with Will, Brian.  I’m with Will.”

“You could be with me.”

“You’re about as aggravating as a rock in my shoe.  I said no.  I meant no.  Leave me be, Brian.”  She disconnected the call.  The phone rang back immediately.  With a certainty that Mackenzie had rarely experienced, she accessed the call log and blocked Brian’s number.  _That’s that._  

A knock at the door pulled Mackenzie’s focus away from the screen.  As she reached for the doorknob, the room tunneled in around her again, and she shut her eyes to battle the sensation.

 

When Mackenzie opened her eyes again, she was in a newsroom, but it wasn’t her ACN newsroom.  The logos plastered everywhere clued her in to her current location:  the CNN newsroom.  _That takes care of where.  Now, when?_ There were zero familiar faces around the room; their team wasn’t there.  She looked down at the credentials around her neck and was startled to see that the tag read Mackenzie McAvoy.  _I changed my name?_   Mackenzie felt off balance; she was married to Will, but they were still at CNN?  What about his move to ACN as legal correspondent?  If she didn’t recognize this reality, every single choice she made could have unintended consequences.

“Mackenzie!” Will’s head came through a door ringing the bullpen.  “I thought you were coming to talk about the B block.”

“Right!”  She scooted toward the office into which Will had disappeared.  The minute that the door shut behind her, she found herself drawn into Will’s strong embrace.

“Mmmm,” Will growled in her ear as he ground against her and then kissed her.  “You were supposed to be here ten minutes ago.”

Mackenzie gave herself over to the embrace.  _This_ she recognized; _this_ didn’t change depending on her reality.

“We’re supposed to be talking about the B block?” Mackenzie questioned taking a step back from the deepening kiss.

“Fuck the B block.  The kids can deal with it.”  Mackenzie’s eyebrows rose.

“Fuck the B block?”  She fought to keep the incredulity from her tone.  She wasn’t on firm ground, and, instinctively, she knew that she was here to observe, not make changes.

“Yeah.  Fuck the fucking B block.”  He flicked the first two buttons of her blouse open.

Mackenzie could feel herself beginning to capitulate to his desire, felt her own desire building.  Will’s computer dinged, breaking the spell he had been weaving around her.

“There’s an iNews alert.”  She stepped toward his desk, buttoning her blouse as she did.  “There’s been an explosion in the gulf.”  Mackenzie’s world seemed to stabilize.  BP.  _When.  Got it._

“The Persian Gulf?”

Mackenzie almost laughed.  She remembered jumping to the very same conclusion all those years ago.  _Jim.  Jim’s sister and his college roommate._ This story was important, and they were the only ones to get it right, right off the bat.  She could observe this world after they did the news.

“The Gulf of Mexico.  Billy, listen, I need you to trust me.  I’ve got to make a call, and I need you to back me up on bringing in someone new, just for today, unless you like him.  Then we'll try to keep him.”

Will stiffened.

“Why are you so excited about the news today?  And who is this guy that you’re trying to bring on board?”

“His name is Jim Harper.  He’s a young AP, and I think he’s in Atlanta.”  Even if she was only here for a few hours, bringing Jim here would be a good move, for this Mackenzie and for Will.  Will’s brow furrowed.

“That name sounds familiar.”  He started rifling through wire reports on his desk, searching for something.  His hands stilled as he came across the name.  “James Harper?”

“Yes!”  Mackenzie’s excitement grew. 

“Honey, how do you know him?”  His face betrayed a myriad of emotions.

“By reputation,” she said, hedging the truth.  _He’s my best friend, beside you.  You made the decision that he would be your son’s godfather._   “Why?”

“Mac, hon, he was killed in the same protest as Brenner.”

Mackenzie felt all of the air go from the room and grabbed the edge of Will’s desk to keep herself on her feet.

“He… he was what?”

“That Shiite protest in Islamabad?  The one that got out of hand?  The wire report says he was killed there.”  All of the color had drained from Mackenzie’s face.  Will picked up the phone and called upstairs.  “I need to know what happened to Harper.  Yeah, I’ll wait.”  He studied his wife, trying to pinpoint what was happening.  “Okay.  Thanks.”  He returned the phone to the cradle.  “Brenner got separated from the team at some point in the protest.  Harper was trying to locate him, to bring him in, and he took a knife to the stomach.  They flew him to Germany, but he didn’t make it.”

“No.”  The word was a whisper, and Mackenzie felt her stomach lurch.  She ran her fingers over her stomach where her scar should have been and was met with only smooth skin.  Mackenzie barely made it to the trashcan in Will’s corner before she was sick.  She couldn’t make sense of the words that Will was so callously tossing in her direction.  But his hands were there, pulling her hair back from her face, rubbing soothing circles between her shoulder blades.

“Talk to me, Mac.  You barely batted an eye when the report came down about Brenner.  What does his AP have to do with us?”

_Nothing.  He has nothing to do with this life.  He doesn’t even exist to you._ Mackenzie shut her eyes, desperately trying to collect herself, to be able to face Will and address her reaction to what should have been innocuous news.  The sensation was becoming more familiar now, and Mackenzie prayed that when she opened her eyes, the current reality would have dissipated.

 

Mackenzie came aware of her surroundings in a large boardroom.  Will was to her left, and she recognized the president of the CNN news division across the table.  Most of the other faces were unfamiliar, and she felt uneasy until her eyes found Reese and Leona.  She breathed a sigh of relief.  Maybe her world was righting itself.

“And so,” Reese was speaking.  Mackenzie had never been so glad to hear his voice.  “With the untimely death of Charlie Skinner and current financial difficulties that ACN is experiencing, we have decided to dissolve the news division of AWM.  ACN will be going off the air in thirty days.”

Mackenzie gasped; all eyes in the room turned to her.  She offered a quiet apology, and the meeting continued.

“We’re prepared to offer CNN our airspace and all physical assets for the agreed upon purchase price.”  Leona sounded tired; Mackenzie could understand why.  She had been in the room the night that Leona, stoned out of her mind, had professed her love for and sworn her allegiance to ACN.  Selling?  This would be killing her.

The other piece of information that Reese had presented, without any emotion, slammed into Mackenzie’s mind.  _Charlie is dead?  But, if they’re selling, there is no Pruitt!_ She glanced at the agenda in front of her and had to bite back another gasp.  She should be almost seven months pregnant, in her life.  Mackenzie glanced down at her stomach.  _Nothing doing._

“Mackenzie and I can go. We’ll get it going.”  Will’s voice speaking her name brought focus back to the meeting.  “There’s nothing keeping us here.”

_Where?  Where are we going?_

“You can’t take your team,” Tom, the president of CNN spoke with conviction.

“We’ll figure it out.”  There was a hard note in Will’s voice.

_There’s nothing keeping us here?  No team working to reclaim the 4 th estate?  Who are we?_

“Mackenzie?”  Tom was addressing her directly.  She found herself nodding, too out of her element to contribute anything of worth.

“I’m with Will, whatever he says,” was the best she could manage.  She carefully watched the faces around her, praying that her response was adequate.  The negotiations continued, leading Mackenzie to believe that she had responded appropriately.

As the meeting wrapped up more than two hours later, Mackenzie’s head was spinning.  Will’s arm slid around her waist, and she leaned into the touch.  He seemed to be the only constant across her worlds.  His mouth was close to her ear when he spoke.

“What’s up?  Are you okay?”

She shook her head.  No, she was most definitely not okay.

“Take me to your office, Billy.”  They rode the elevator in silence, but Will kept her locked in close him, trying to lend strength to her through the contact.  They crossed the bullpen and entered his office.  She turned and locked the door behind them.  “I’m going to ask you some questions, and I want you to answer them honestly.”  He cocked an eyebrow and leaned against the window sill.  “It’s going to seem odd, but please, just humor me.”  He nodded, and she continued.  “How many children do we have?”

“Mac, you know we decided that having kids wasn’t on the agenda, yet.”

“When was the last time we saw Don and Sloan, or Nancy for that matter?”  Mackenzie’s arms ached for her son.

“Don and who?”  He looked at her with ill-concealed skepticism.  “We haven’t seen Nancy since before the funeral.”

“We didn’t go to the funeral?” Mackenzie was astounded.

“We couldn’t get away.”

“Where did we have Thanksgiving last year?”  She was starting to feel genuinely nauseous.

“You went to Nebraska to see my family.”  He had the grace to look sheepish.  “I was supposed to join you, but Tom wanted me to go to the Jets game on Thanksgiving day.  I don’t know why you’re bringing that up now.  We agreed that was the best thing for both of our careers.”  Mackenzie dismissed the defensiveness with a wave of her hand.

“How did we cover the Casey Anthony story?”  Suddenly, this answer was critically important.

“What do you mean?  We took first in the ratings.  Nancy Grace was taking lessons from us.”  He seemed proud of his answer.  Mackenzie took a step back, stumbling backward toward the door.  She flipped the lock and flung the door open.  “Where are you going?”

“I’ve got to get out of here,” she gasped, trying to drag a full breath into her lungs.  “I’ve got to go.”

Mackenzie sprinted across the bullpen, headed for where she knew the elevators would be.  She could hear Will coming after her, calling her name, but she didn’t slow down.  She slid between the closing doors of a blessedly empty elevator and punched the lobby button.  After a minute, she pulled the emergency stop and sank to the floor, pulling her knees to her chest.

_How can we have learned so much, how can so much have changed because we were happier earlier?  How the actual fuck did my affair with Brian make us better people?_ Her breath caught in her chest as her thoughts continued to tumble over themselves.  _Oh, Jim!  What the hell did Brian get you into?_   And then her thoughts turned to her son, the tiny human who had already changed her life in more ways than she could count.  Mackenzie couldn't hold back her sobs, didn't even try.  She rested her head on her knees and cried for the life that she had had. 

Eventually, the tears stopped, and Mackenzie looked around.  She was still in the elevator in the CNN building, and it occurred to her, for the first time, that she might be stuck in this life.  Dragging in a deep, steadying breath, Mackenzie shut her eyes and tried to embrace her new reality.

 

Mac’s head snapped up, awareness tingling through her in sharp waves.  Rebecca shimmered in front of her.

“What do you think, Mackenzie?  If you could change it, would you?”

Mackenzie looked down into the face of her son, now sleeping peacefully in her arms and then over to her husband, still dozing beside her, hand holding tightly onto the burp cloth he had been using earlier.  She looked back at the shimmering form of Rebecca and shook her head lightly.

“There’s not one thing I would change.”  And, then Rebecca was gone, dismissed by Mac’s words.  Mackenzie reached for her phone and dialed Jim’s number.  “Hey Jim,” she spoke quietly, not wanting to wake Will or tiny Charlie, “I know it’s early.  I’m sorry.”  She couldn’t contain the joy she felt at hearing his voice.  “Look, Will’s going to talk to you about it in the next day or two, so act surprised, but we want you to be Charlie’s godfather, alright?”  She smiled as Jim stuttered through his reaction.  “We love you, too, Jim.”  She ended the call.

There was nothing easy or smooth about her life with Will, but the bumps and bruises, the scrapes and scars, had made them who they were and had given them their son, the miracle for which they had never dared to dream.  This was her happily ever after, and she wouldn’t change one breath of it.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this! I'd love to hear from you!  
> xx  
> C


End file.
